Goalies & Mental Health

We ended our season with a Championship! Gold medals around our necks and the big, shiny, golden trophy to take back to our home rink in Southern Ontario. My son was in net for 3 of the 5 games (including the final) and was victorious in all 3.

On Sunday between the semi final and final game I could see him struggling. He was struggling mentally. This was the very last game his team would play in the 2018 season. His stomach was too nervous to eat, his mind was racing, and he couldn’t speak. I sat with him the whole time. I wondered why he put so much pressure on himself, I wondered why he couldn’t stomach fueling his body with what it needed (I finally got him to have a small salad with grilled chicken). I wondered why he felt alone with 16 other teammates by his side. I wondered how a 13-year-old can withstand so much pressure. I reassured him (multiple times), that hockey is just a game, that he is lucky to go out there, and have fun with buddies, and that if they lost the game, they would all still remain buddies. Yes, they would go home and play Fortnite together, and post their IG pics from their tourney weekend. They would finish their school projects and go shoot hoops in the driveway. He didn’t see it this way. He had to win (after all tryouts are around the corner).

 Mental health is real. The pressure of a goaltender is real. The pressure they put on THEMSELVES is real. This position and the mental aspects of it are not to be taken lightly. It is so important to TALK, and then TALK some more, and then TALK even more. Our goaltenders often feel alone, and far too often feel like an entire game is on them. Imagine feeling that way on a team of 17! The very famous Montreal goaltender Jacques Plante once said, “how would you like a job where every time you made a mistake a big red light lights up and 18,000 people boo”. We all have jobs, think about that, and then think about trying to keep your focus to move on from that mistake. See the thing is, if a line has a terrible shift they go to the bench and there are no eyes on them, coach might explain a few things etc. When a goalie allows a goal they cannot go to the bench, and all eyes remain on them. He / she doesn’t get the quiet one on one assurance for next time. Something to think about: goalies wear an extreme amount of equipment to protect themselves physically, but what is protecting them mentally? What’s protecting their heart? 

As a goalie mom of 2, I encourage all hockey parents to ensure their forwards, defencemen, spouses that are coaches, trainers etc to remember the courage it takes to put that mask on. Please encourage them to be thankful someone is brave enough to put that mask on. For goaltenders words mean an awful lot, or even lack there of. Far too many coaches put far to much emphasis on how the goalie performs as opposed to how the team performs. To any bench staff, ignoring your goaltender after a loss is not the way to go. I tell both my kids over and over again, you win as a team, and you lose as a team. Hockey after-all is the ultimate team sport.

On Sunday it worked out. My son celebrated. One of the first things he said to me afterwards was “mom, I feel bad for their goalie.  He’s a good goalie I hope he knows that”. Even when victorious goalies stick together. I thought it was very admirable when soaking up his own victory he thought of the other side of it (he’s been there also).

Let’s show our AMAZING goalies all the love we have! Let’s be kind human beings! Let’s remember these are our children – our incredibly BRAVE children! And, let’s really remember that goalie‘s brave mom who is riding along on the emotional journey herself, and also needs to TALK.

“There is no position in sport as noble as goaltending” Vladislav Tretiak

If you or someone you care about is struggling with mental health, please contact mentalhealthamerica.net (USA), and cmha.ca (Canada)