One Year Later…

Do you ever think about it……do you ever think about what can happen in a day, a month, a year and a single minute. One single minute can turn your world upside down. One single minute can bring entire planet heartache.

One year ago a bus full of eager hockey players were headed out of town for a playoff game, just as there are hundreds of buses headed to games around the world daily. Bus trips are a lot of fun for all involved, card games are played, music is listened to (probably some Thunderstruck or Crazy Train), movies are watched, Gatorade is drank, protein bars are eaten, and the laughs are heard throughout. Coaches are busy with their white boards discussing power plays and penalty kills, maybe preparing the shootout list, and hoping to celebrate with some brewskies on the way home after a big “W”. Unfortunately, on April 6^th, 2018 this particular bus ride became a nightmare. 16 lives were lost with another 13 incredibly injured.  A community was broken.  A country now in mourning. Moms & Dads buying plane tickets to bury their children as opposed to buying plane tickets to celebrate a championship. People worldwide wiping tears in disbelief. Young hockey stars around the world holding moments of silence before their games.

Tragedy. How do we move on? How do we board the next bus without fear? How do we show support to our hockey family? And, yes I say our family even though we did not personally know them; because if there is one thing hockey has taught me it’s that we are ALL family. Hockey is more than a game; it is a way of life. It is what brings people together on Saturday nights; it is what turns acquaintances into friends. It is what teaches life lessons. It is what fills our hearts with happiness.

Dear Humboldt Broncos, we still remember all 29 of you. We still mourn those who left us. We still have sticks outside, players around the globe still have green and yellow ribbons on helmets, and we all continue to follow the progress made by the survivors. You will be remembered forever.

Yes, April 6^th 2018 shook the hockey world. From your hockey family down here, we still hope you are having one hell of a game up there, and that the goods times are still rolling and the tunes are still pumping!

My message is simple: Hug your little hockey heroes often and let people know what they mean to you. Soak in the moments; because in a single minute everything can change.

***Please register to become an organ donor. You could save a life. ***

We ended our season with a Championship! Gold medals around our necks and the big, shiny, golden trophy to take back to our home rink in Southern Ontario. My son was in net for 3 of the 5 games (including the final) and was victorious in all 3.

On Sunday between the semi final and final game I could see him struggling. He was struggling mentally. This was the very last game his team would play in the 2018 season. His stomach was too nervous to eat, his mind was racing, and he couldn’t speak. I sat with him the whole time. I wondered why he put so much pressure on himself, I wondered why he couldn’t stomach fueling his body with what it needed (I finally got him to have a small salad with grilled chicken). I wondered why he felt alone with 16 other teammates by his side. I wondered how a 13-year-old can withstand so much pressure. I reassured him (multiple times), that hockey is just a game, that he is lucky to go out there, and have fun with buddies, and that if they lost the game, they would all still remain buddies. Yes, they would go home and play Fortnite together, and post their IG pics from their tourney weekend. They would finish their school projects and go shoot hoops in the driveway. He didn’t see it this way. He had to win (after all tryouts are around the corner).

 Mental health is real. The pressure of a goaltender is real. The pressure they put on THEMSELVES is real. This position and the mental aspects of it are not to be taken lightly. It is so important to TALK, and then TALK some more, and then TALK even more. Our goaltenders often feel alone, and far too often feel like an entire game is on them. Imagine feeling that way on a team of 17! The very famous Montreal goaltender Jacques Plante once said, “how would you like a job where every time you made a mistake a big red light lights up and 18,000 people boo”. We all have jobs, think about that, and then think about trying to keep your focus to move on from that mistake. See the thing is, if a line has a terrible shift they go to the bench and there are no eyes on them, coach might explain a few things etc. When a goalie allows a goal they cannot go to the bench, and all eyes remain on them. He / she doesn’t get the quiet one on one assurance for next time. Something to think about: goalies wear an extreme amount of equipment to protect themselves physically, but what is protecting them mentally? What’s protecting their heart? 

As a goalie mom of 2, I encourage all hockey parents to ensure their forwards, defencemen, spouses that are coaches, trainers etc to remember the courage it takes to put that mask on. Please encourage them to be thankful someone is brave enough to put that mask on. For goaltenders words mean an awful lot, or even lack there of. Far too many coaches put far to much emphasis on how the goalie performs as opposed to how the team performs. To any bench staff, ignoring your goaltender after a loss is not the way to go. I tell both my kids over and over again, you win as a team, and you lose as a team. Hockey after-all is the ultimate team sport.

On Sunday it worked out. My son celebrated. One of the first things he said to me afterwards was “mom, I feel bad for their goalie.  He’s a good goalie I hope he knows that”. Even when victorious goalies stick together. I thought it was very admirable when soaking up his own victory he thought of the other side of it (he’s been there also).

Let’s show our AMAZING goalies all the love we have! Let’s be kind human beings! Let’s remember these are our children – our incredibly BRAVE children! And, let’s really remember that goalie‘s brave mom who is riding along on the emotional journey herself, and also needs to TALK.

“There is no position in sport as noble as goaltending” Vladislav Tretiak

If you or someone you care about is struggling with mental health, please contact mentalhealthamerica.net (USA), and cmha.ca (Canada)

One Day…

One day it will all be over…….

I have often thought about this. There are so many days when I realize I didn’t get a chance to clean the bathrooms, or wash the floors or finish all the laundry. There are days when I feel like I was only home to sleep. But, one thing I have come to terms with is that having shiny floors is not as important as I once thought it was – in fact what is important is being the biggest cheerleader for my kids, and being present. I take solitude that when this journey is over, and whatever comes of it, that they will both know mom was always there. They will know that she rushed around so we wouldn’t be late, or that she didn’t buy that Michael Kors bag that she wanted because we needed a new mask. See, one day I will have plenty of time when this is over to wash the baseboards, bake banana breads, paint my bedroom and catch up on Netflix. I will never be able to go back in time and wish I was at the championship game, so yes, these things can wait.

One day my husband and I will get out to dinner more often, and catch a movie in the theatre (as opposed to catching it on the box a year later) One day my husband and I will actually ride in the same vehicle as each other – this is something that never happens when you have to tag team the goalies J

One day I won’t have our hockey family congratulating me on an amazing performance by one of my kiddos, or hear the “dinging” of my phone with a team snap notification.  My afternoon snack wont consist of a bag of all dressed chips at the arena accompanied by a Dr Pepper, and my wardrobe wont consist of my current go to…..Black Uggs, hockey mom “Don’t Puck With Me” wool socks, leggings, Under Armour hoodies, and team touque.  One day at work beside my desk I won’t have the kids hockey calendar posted on my wall, but instead maybe something actually related to my job.

One day there will not be anyone to drive to practice. There will not be any equipment to wash. There will not be loading the car at 6 am. There will not be 2 hour long road trips to games that are not theirs. There will be no sticks to carry. There will be no agonizing tryouts. There will be no holding your breath with 20 seconds left in a tie game. There will be no more encouraging hugs, or tears to dry. There will be no more cheques to write for monthly payments for the season.  There will not be any new pads, or chest protectors to buy. There will be no more bus trips, or mostly hockey related Christmas gifts under the tree. There will be no 13 year old hockey smell, or 9 year old dressing room pre-game dance parties. There will be no more chocolate milk purchased at the concession stand for the ride home, or calling into the office at school on yet another Friday for a tournament. There will be no more checking the standings, and wondering who you will play in the next round, or early bedtimes for early game times.

There are going to be a lot of “no more’s” ……

One day I will look back at these days and miss it like crazy……

Yes, one day this incredible journey will ALL be over ….thankfully that day is NOT today!

Time to start packing, you’re tourney bound!

Tournaments although both super fun, and stressful with all the logistics at the same time will happen – it is all part of what we signed up for! I would say on average between both children we have 8-10 tournaments a season. Some local where no stay is required and some where the driving seems it will never end!

In case you didn’t already know kids LOVE these weekends, and everything that goes along with it. The pool time (just don’t sit too close or you’ll be cannon-balled), Manhunt in the hotel hallways (every hotel’s dream), hallway mini stick game (also every hotel’s dream), parents playing Euchre in the hospitality suite, snack sharing by everyone, trip to the local grocery store for fruit trays and chocolate milk, the lunch reservation at the local restaurant for 58! The rounding up the kids at 9 pm for curfew, the airing of equipment inside your tiny hotel room (gross!), the packing of your toaster, skillet etc to try to cut costs down (aren’t we all paying enough already?!). The daily visit from the hotel security guard to keep the noise down (hello, this is a hockey team and its only 7 pm!). The tournament tables set up at the rink with socks, hockey cards, light up toys, remote control cars etc and the constant “can I have money” from your little one, the checking the tournament website trying to follow all the games and figuring out the point system for “if we made it or not” to Sunday, and the long, over tired car ride back home, but not before stopping for some greasy food from McDonalds or Burger King!

Making it to Sunday is always the GOAL, but any tournament weekend whether your team went 5 – 0, or 0-5 is a GREAT weekend for everyone involved! Come on admit, even yourself the parent had a great time! Who doesn’t like icy cold “bevies” and pizza?!  Now, where’s my pillow, I need to recover from my daughter’s tournament in which we got home only 18 hours ago!

 

Here is my recommended “Tournament Must Haves” for the packing list:

Playing cards (did someone say Euchre)

Toaster

Skillet – (breakfast for everyone!)

Crock Pot (dinner cooking while gone)

Element (for our pre-game pasta!)

Plates / cutlery (they won’t come in your room)

Dish soap (see above)

Flip flops / slippers (do you want to wear your winter boots to the pool area?)

Tablets / phone & their chargers!

Cash (easier to keep track of than plastic)

Gloves / hat / scarf / snowpants (you never know where you will end up as a team event)

Advil (this is for mom and dad after the 4 am bedtime 😊)

Children’s advil

Bathing suit for the kids (the most obvious, but twice I have had to go to Costco!)

Chips (like bags & bags… I recommend Ketchup!)

Apples

Protein bars

Camera

Alcohol (we are goalie moms after all!)

I am a goalie mom. There, I said it…those two dreaded words: Goalie Mom!

I am not even sure how it happened, but those two little words have forever changed my life and brought my heart so much joy, happiness, heartache, pride and even palpitations. The Fitbit reading during the championship games, shoot-outs, playoff elimination games has at times been what I think may have been borderline hospitalization!

These two words are also two words that I want in my life forever and cherish immensely. Being a goalie mom means that I get to watch and be part of something that not 1 but that both of my children love.

I have been there jumping for joy with so much pride. I have there for wiping the tears (both mine and theirs), and there has been a lot of tears. I have been there during the games they were “supposed to win” but somehow lost and became the scapegoat, I have been there for the games they were “not supposed to win” and be a hero. I have been there when pucks have gone off their face (mask) and felt my body literally shake with fear. I have been there when being called to center ice to accept their MVP or Gold medals and capturing it on film. I have been there when coaches have yelled from the bench clear as day for all to hear “you should have had that” after a goal. I have been there as parents have given a standing ovation to a remarkable save. I have been there when they have opened a final tryout letter indicating “thank you for trying out, better luck next time” – these letters make you fall to pieces. I have been there when they have opened tryout letters that say in big, bold letters “congratulations, you have made the team”. I have been there when they have gotten the hook (even if not deserving of it) and watched the disappointment as they skate away with a rink full of people watching. I have been there when they have been called upon in a do or die situation. I have been there when after an OT loss just collapsing with defeat in the net all alone with the weight on an entire team on their shoulders. I have been there in a Gold medal game when smiles are huge, and that same team is hugging and chanting his name after victory. I have been there when new pads are being purchased wondering how can I afford this? I have been there watching my 9-year-old carry a hockey bag, pads, and stick through a snow storm into the arena. I have been there when the alarm has gone off at 4:45 am for a 6 am practice. I have been there for those 2.5-hour long car rides to a game that is not even “their game”. I have been there to pack protein bars, apples (they must be green!) and chocolate milk and even grilled cheese sandwiches on the run. I have been there for parent meetings and handing over literally thousands of dollars worth in cheques for the season. I have been there to tie skates, and buckle pads and pray that they will be safe out on the ice. I have been there freezing, when the part of my body that is warm is my feet – thank you Uggs!  I have been there consistently to give pre-game “good luck hugs” and post game “I am so proud of you hugs”.

I have been there……and I will continue to be there as I am their biggest fan, and they are my heroes! It’s funny; people often say, “goalies are weird”. Why is that? I, for one think any human being who makes the brave decision to play this position is strong and resilient. It takes guts and grit. It takes determination, it takes a thick skin, and quite plain and simple it takes COURAGE!

I know so many mom’s have been there too. Therefore, I look forward to sharing my experiences which of course are sometimes good, sometimes bad as well as some ugly truths along the way.